Pulling Together

I recently visited two sets of friends in the same town. They were both going through difficult times as the major wage earner – the husband – had been retrenched putting both couples under financial strain. Financial worry is one of the most divisive problems that can put an incredible pressure on a relationship and I was expecting to find all of them stressed and depressed. I was interested to note the effects their troubles were having on their personal relationships. One couple was showing visible signs of the strain and were both irritable and snapping at each other. The woman was verbally attacking her husband constantly – finding fault with everything he did or said. He was defensively attacking her too and the home was full of discord and strain which was adversely affecting the children as well. They had taken a bad situation and making it worse by the way they were treating each other. On the other hand the second couple were obviously worried and concerned about their future but here the wife was showing a great deal of sympathy with the plight of her partner and encouraging and supporting him. Men have to cope with a great deal when they lose their jobs – they have pride and loss of face to contend with, they have the worry of providing for their family which they take as their responsibility in most cases and they have the loss of identity which comes with losing their major role in life. The first couple communicated their fears aggressively and therefore were pulling apart from their greatest source of comfort and the second were moving towards each other by talking through their fears with love. We always have two options for how we face life’s challenges together – we can grow and learn from the experience with a bonding of our relationship or we can become victims and pull each other down.