Is Honesty the best policy?

In a marriage or close relationship it is sometimes its tempting to tell little lies to help us through difficult situations – we call these white lies – I guess as a distinction from the ‘black lies’ of deliberate fibs! Anyway, back to the misinformation and cover ups that we use in our daily lives – are they harmful? Can they hurt a relationship? The intention behind a white lie is to save the feelings of someone or to save yourself from an embarrassing situation, such as forgetting an appointment, not fulfilling a promise or dodging the “does this dress suit me?” type of question. If the intention is to avoid a problem for another person is the telling of the lie OK? Firstly let’s look at when it would NOT be OK. Whenever we tell anything but the truth it puts us off balance emotionally – it will cause us to feel a frission or a tremor which can feel like butterflies in the stomach or, worse still, a feeling of nausea. These uncomfortable sensations are the result of the guilt we feel anytime we tell a lie. As a healer I encourage people to avoid these out of balance feelings and therefore I say that anything that causes you to feel guilt should be avoided for your own sake. Be honest and admit if you have forgotten something – make suitable apologies and grovel a little if you have to! On the other hand I don’t think anything is to be gained by hurting someone by pronouncing our own opinions in a way that can upset them so I think we should try and avoid the direct and hurtful approach where possible. Choose your words carefully and use tact so instead of “you look fat and unsightly in that dress” say “You look stunning in the blue one”. Anyone with any sensitivity will quickly pick up the message!